Kodi Elizabeth Hawthorne ~ Sept. 20, 1983 - April 8, 2010
Seeking justice for our dearly departed friend, sister, daughter, and mother, Kodi Hawthorne.
Think Kodi's Story Is An Anomaly? Think Again. This is why you need to be behind this movement. As a parent (or even as a person WITH parents), you will be horrified to learn how easily someone could snatch your children from you, with the blessing of the legal system. Reach out and tell a judge to stop this nonsense. What is perhaps the most horrific of all, is that despite this report from the Custody Prep website, the custody evaluator in Kodi's case, after doing a thorough investigation, recommended 50/50 split custody to the court, and that recommendation was IGNORED:
Ludicrous Reasons Why Good & Fit Mothers Have Lost Custody
Sadly, we must report that if you have a guardian ad litem (GAL) or child custody evaluator assigned or appointed to your case that is unscrupulous, ill-trained, incompetent or biased either toward a father or a form of custody, there is virtually no way for a mother to truly "prepare" for a child custody evaluator. If you have been unfortunate enough to have this type of evaluator, be very prepared to find other documentation, evidence, witnesses, and experts with superior credentials to refute the report and offer alternate views to the court. You can not let these sorts of evaluations stand. Here are some of the more ludicrous documented reasons given by evaluators or judges in numerous cases where good and fit mothers lost custody:
"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the
perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the
universal desire to see, hear and speak no evil. The victim, on the
contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim
demands action, engagement and remembering."
--Judy Herman
http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/lrflc.php
This will not be for nothing, Kodi.
Can That Happen? There have been a lot of curious inquiries as to the validity of the story of being a mother full time, every day, and then go in six short weeks to being given the opportunity to see your daughter a mere two hours over the course of 21 days. People don't want to believe it -- after all, "this is America!" And really, owning up to the fact that this happens on a consistent basis in this country validates the fears of every single parent: "if the relationship with my partner is no longer working, I could lose my children for good. If it could happen to someone else, it could happen to me."
The Center for Judicial Excellence did an amazing photo exhibit project with eight courageous stories of families who have been traumatized by the family court system. We urge you to read these stories, as they're only a handful of the same drama played out in the judicial system all over the nation on a regular basis:
http://www.centerforjudicialexcellence.org/PhotoExhibit.htm
For even further information and education, spend some time at the Custody Prep for Moms website that has a wealth of information about WHY many mothers find themselves in these painful situations (as some people have come forward to state that they too have similar stories and are currently going through something very similar), and we sincerely hope that Kodi's story can help others make headway and find peace:
http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/index.php
The original announcement of Kodi's passing by a a friend:
Rest in Peace, Kodi Elizabeth Hawthorne On April 8, Kodi lost her strength to keep going in the fight against the false accusations, perjury, slander, and criminal harrassment to get custody of her daughter back. She received a threatening text yesterday morning and was gone by evening and took her own life. What Ryah's father has stolen from her, and from all of us, is unfathomable.
Rest in peace, Kodi. I cannot imagine a world without your bright smile and your hilarious sense of humor (it was one of the best out there!). How could I have made it through my hospital stay without your hilarious card and giant balloon and and "no smoking" contract you made me sign? No one ever made me laugh over the messed up things life threw us, and your strength was something everyone who knew you aspired to. This is not over, and I will always fight for you to have the justice you always deserved.
Ryah, your mother loved you more than you ever knew. I intend to make sure that you do.
From the Washington Shared Parenting Site:
Snohomish County Family Court playing games with peoples lives
It seems Snohomish County Superior Courts feel that the family court business is not serious enough to follow the law on how they run their court. For several years the courts were operating under an administrative order issued by Presiding Judge Thomas J. Wynne that stated the recordings of the proceedings were only done for administrative purposes. And, further his order mandated these records be destroyed after 6 months.
Most people will never see the inside of a Superior Courtroom unless it is due to family issues. The majority of cases heard in Superior Court are family related. And, our State laws say that all Superior Court hearings are to be recorded. Further, our State laws give the authority for how long they are to be retained to the Secretary of State, who mandates these civil records need to be preserved for a minimum of 7 years.
So why would Snohomish County want to destroy these recordings, that are an important record of the proceeding and are used by citizens in future litigation, or for appeals. It seems that if these courts are wanting to ensure that justice is served, and that all citizens are afforded their constitutional rights to a fair trial, and the ability to appeal the decisions made, that the courts, who are elected officials, would want to ensure that they have taken all steps possible to guarantee all facts are available for the people of Snohomish County to have access to.
What is really hard to understand is that the equipment is in place and only needs to be started and stopped by a clerk each day. Part of the reason might be that the county has never put a policy in place to test this equipment, such as the policy that was drafted at the direction of the legislature by the State Office of Administration of the Courts. Their policy, which is a recommendation for each Court, provides the necessary policy to ensure the recording are done accurately. With no policy in place, it has already been identified in Snohomish County that over 5 1/2 months worth of recordings in one courtroom alone were found to be defective, since microphones had been turned off for 5 1/2 months and were undetected by the lack of test proceedures.
This situation in Snohomish County can only be summed up one way - either a complete disrespect for justice, or a total breakdown in the management of the courts. Either way, citizens of Snohomish County should be outraged that our courts have gotten so far away from the job of looking out for the citizens of the County. When the best interest of the citizens are no longer served by public officials, you really have to look at why we need them.
Bob Terwilliger just took over management of these courts. Lets hope he can help show the good Judge Wynne how to manage his courts more like the other 37 counties in Washington State that do in fact follow the law and record each and every hearing as the law prescribes, and saves them for at least 7 years, and some beyond that.
One has to ask, what are the Judges and Commissioners in Snohomish County hiding from the Court of Appeals. What possible public interest is being served by their form of justice? One has to ask the question - can you trust a judge that breaks the laws?
Think Kodi's Story Is An Anomaly? Think Again. This is why you need to be behind this movement. As a parent (or even as a person WITH parents), you will be horrified to learn how easily someone could snatch your children from you, with the blessing of the legal system. Reach out and tell a judge to stop this nonsense. What is perhaps the most horrific of all, is that despite this report from the Custody Prep website, the custody evaluator in Kodi's case, after doing a thorough investigation, recommended 50/50 split custody to the court, and that recommendation was IGNORED:
Ludicrous Reasons Why Good & Fit Mothers Have Lost Custody
Sadly, we must report that if you have a guardian ad litem (GAL) or child custody evaluator assigned or appointed to your case that is unscrupulous, ill-trained, incompetent or biased either toward a father or a form of custody, there is virtually no way for a mother to truly "prepare" for a child custody evaluator. If you have been unfortunate enough to have this type of evaluator, be very prepared to find other documentation, evidence, witnesses, and experts with superior credentials to refute the report and offer alternate views to the court. You can not let these sorts of evaluations stand. Here are some of the more ludicrous documented reasons given by evaluators or judges in numerous cases where good and fit mothers lost custody:
- Breastfeeding--the mothers either wanted to and it was determined an alienating behavior, or they did not choose to breastfeed and it was termed child neglect or indifference
- Children got head lice during a period of mother's care.
- Too many people (all relatives) living in one home (i.e. mom had to return home to family to gain economic and emotional support)
- Father remarried and married family deemed superior to single motherhood
- Father's job and education deemed superior--sometimes even though mom sacrificed her goals and dreams so father could obtain same.
- Not desiring 50/50 custody or other joint custodial arrangements
- Not desiring to give up the marital home
- Leaving the marital home while fleeing from abuse, especially if she left the children behind.
- Going to church
- Going to church too often
- Not going to church
- Having a different religion than the father
- Having a different religion than the children
- Home schooling your children
- Being poor or less well-off than the father and his extended family
- Having unprotected sex although no longer living with or married to your former mate
- Believing your children when they tell of abuse
- Being depressed or sad
- Having been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) caused by the battery/abuse in your relationship with your child's father and having that used to term the mother "unstable"
- Crying in front of any court personnel
- Being anxious or "hyper-vigilant", even when abuse to self and children are an issue
- Dating on occasion and leaving your child with a trusted sitter
- Dating someone of another race
- Not dating
- Having a boyfriend
- Not having a boyfriend
- Living with a boyfriend
- Refusing to marry your boyfriend
- Having a social life--women have been penalized for taking occasional evening breaks away from the children for meetings, to meet friends, etc.
- Not having a social life--women were penalized for being "wrapped up" in the kids and not having other interests.
- Having a career
- Not having a career
- Working too much
- Not working enough
- Using daycare or before/after-school care so you can work to support your kids
- Being non-white: a Native American, Black, Asian, etc.
- Having your child learn your native language--mothers have been deemed more of a "flight risk" for teaching their child their heritage and language, or deemed to be alienating the child from the father by teaching the child a language the father does not know.
- Being white-fathers ethnicity given greater accord because mother supposedly could not provide a racial/ethnic identity for the child.
- Being involved in your children's education/volunteering-deemed "over-involved" or enmeshed with her children
- Having a close, loving relationship with your child - court personnel seem to love pathologizing mother/child bonds as "enmeshed", "unhealthy"
- Wishing to move
- Being disorganized
- Having a messy home
- Being too neat & orderly
- Being a lesbian
- Being a good role model for your child--a female child in one case was noted by the judge as being "alienated" by the mother because the child looked up to her mother and wanted to follow in her same career path when she grew up.
- Not liking your ex
- Having been hospitalized for a physical ailment or injury
- Thinking negative thoughts about your ex (doesn't matter whether you verbalize them or not)
- Being an "unconscious alienator", termed as having the likelihood of alienating sometime in the future
- Going back to school and using daycare
- Not using daycare--mother deemed too "enmeshed" and "over-involved" with her preschool aged children because she worked at home and used her maternal relatives for occasional childcare and did not want to put her toddler into daycare/preschool.
- Being disabled at the hands of your child's father
- Being blind or deaf, although adequately being the primary parent of your child for numerous years
- Photographing injuries found on your child and identified by the child as having been caused by their father
- The evaluator didn't like the mother because she reminded her of someone--in one case, a woman was told she wasn't liked because she reminded the evaluator of her mother
- Being protective of your children
- Taking your children to the doctor - termed "anxious" parenting, or pathologized further into Munchausen's Syndrome By Proxy
- Using your computer
- Computer dating
- Staying up too late at night to get work done
- Sending the kids to summer camp - termed "farming them out"
- Following doctors orders in administering prescribed medications
- Taking your children to counseling
- Children's grades are not high enough
- Children missed too much school due to illness
- You're not a father
"It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the
perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing. He appeals to the
universal desire to see, hear and speak no evil. The victim, on the
contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain. The victim
demands action, engagement and remembering."
--Judy Herman
http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/lrflc.php
This will not be for nothing, Kodi.
Can That Happen? There have been a lot of curious inquiries as to the validity of the story of being a mother full time, every day, and then go in six short weeks to being given the opportunity to see your daughter a mere two hours over the course of 21 days. People don't want to believe it -- after all, "this is America!" And really, owning up to the fact that this happens on a consistent basis in this country validates the fears of every single parent: "if the relationship with my partner is no longer working, I could lose my children for good. If it could happen to someone else, it could happen to me."
The Center for Judicial Excellence did an amazing photo exhibit project with eight courageous stories of families who have been traumatized by the family court system. We urge you to read these stories, as they're only a handful of the same drama played out in the judicial system all over the nation on a regular basis:
http://www.centerforjudicialexcellence.org/PhotoExhibit.htm
For even further information and education, spend some time at the Custody Prep for Moms website that has a wealth of information about WHY many mothers find themselves in these painful situations (as some people have come forward to state that they too have similar stories and are currently going through something very similar), and we sincerely hope that Kodi's story can help others make headway and find peace:
http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/index.php
The original announcement of Kodi's passing by a a friend:
Rest in Peace, Kodi Elizabeth Hawthorne On April 8, Kodi lost her strength to keep going in the fight against the false accusations, perjury, slander, and criminal harrassment to get custody of her daughter back. She received a threatening text yesterday morning and was gone by evening and took her own life. What Ryah's father has stolen from her, and from all of us, is unfathomable.
Rest in peace, Kodi. I cannot imagine a world without your bright smile and your hilarious sense of humor (it was one of the best out there!). How could I have made it through my hospital stay without your hilarious card and giant balloon and and "no smoking" contract you made me sign? No one ever made me laugh over the messed up things life threw us, and your strength was something everyone who knew you aspired to. This is not over, and I will always fight for you to have the justice you always deserved.
Ryah, your mother loved you more than you ever knew. I intend to make sure that you do.
From the Washington Shared Parenting Site:
Snohomish County Family Court playing games with peoples lives
It seems Snohomish County Superior Courts feel that the family court business is not serious enough to follow the law on how they run their court. For several years the courts were operating under an administrative order issued by Presiding Judge Thomas J. Wynne that stated the recordings of the proceedings were only done for administrative purposes. And, further his order mandated these records be destroyed after 6 months.
Most people will never see the inside of a Superior Courtroom unless it is due to family issues. The majority of cases heard in Superior Court are family related. And, our State laws say that all Superior Court hearings are to be recorded. Further, our State laws give the authority for how long they are to be retained to the Secretary of State, who mandates these civil records need to be preserved for a minimum of 7 years.
So why would Snohomish County want to destroy these recordings, that are an important record of the proceeding and are used by citizens in future litigation, or for appeals. It seems that if these courts are wanting to ensure that justice is served, and that all citizens are afforded their constitutional rights to a fair trial, and the ability to appeal the decisions made, that the courts, who are elected officials, would want to ensure that they have taken all steps possible to guarantee all facts are available for the people of Snohomish County to have access to.
What is really hard to understand is that the equipment is in place and only needs to be started and stopped by a clerk each day. Part of the reason might be that the county has never put a policy in place to test this equipment, such as the policy that was drafted at the direction of the legislature by the State Office of Administration of the Courts. Their policy, which is a recommendation for each Court, provides the necessary policy to ensure the recording are done accurately. With no policy in place, it has already been identified in Snohomish County that over 5 1/2 months worth of recordings in one courtroom alone were found to be defective, since microphones had been turned off for 5 1/2 months and were undetected by the lack of test proceedures.
This situation in Snohomish County can only be summed up one way - either a complete disrespect for justice, or a total breakdown in the management of the courts. Either way, citizens of Snohomish County should be outraged that our courts have gotten so far away from the job of looking out for the citizens of the County. When the best interest of the citizens are no longer served by public officials, you really have to look at why we need them.
Bob Terwilliger just took over management of these courts. Lets hope he can help show the good Judge Wynne how to manage his courts more like the other 37 counties in Washington State that do in fact follow the law and record each and every hearing as the law prescribes, and saves them for at least 7 years, and some beyond that.
One has to ask, what are the Judges and Commissioners in Snohomish County hiding from the Court of Appeals. What possible public interest is being served by their form of justice? One has to ask the question - can you trust a judge that breaks the laws?